I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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