So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
