I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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