so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
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