Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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