I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
