you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
