before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
