Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
