you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I will pee on everything he values.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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