I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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