I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
