the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
