I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
