You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
