my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
