"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
