No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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