fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
