Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Less talking, more tequila
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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