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HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
