dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
