I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Randomize