Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
