now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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