so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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