man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
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I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
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YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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