Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
