i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
