he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
