please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
