So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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