currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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