Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
