I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
