he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
