a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
