yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
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He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
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I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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