is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
