On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
