So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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