found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
