If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
