dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I did not marry a roomba.
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