I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
