Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
