No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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