she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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