If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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