she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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