A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
