i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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