I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
