oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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