K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
40s are totally the cure
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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