9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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