i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
