How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
