ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
