this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
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Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
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Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.