Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
did you just send me my own nude
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.