i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize