you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
