I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
